I am crying again

Time is running very fast u know, without realizing I will be working here for almost 1 year already. Hectic, busy.. That's I felt...Everybody who is contracted to any commitment will feel their carrier will burden themselves every moment and every seconds in their life. The spaces for them to breathe are very limited even during weekends.

Last week, we were very busy with the preparation of Majlis Sambutan Maulidur rasul, attending the 2 days kursus and in the same time the dekan wanna to see me for penilaian prestasi. When we were burden with the management tasks which supposed be not our kerja, rasa sakit hati oooo… The do not think kah we are here is appointed to be a teaching staff and also researcher, not to be burden with the kerani tasks!

Seeing the dekan on last Thursday & Friday is very bad experience for me. In our nilaian prestasi, we are being judge and evaluated from the following criteria:

1. Teaching

2. Research

3. Publishing

4. Conferences/ Seminar

5. Social works

6. Consultations

I think can score in teaching, attending kursus, social work and enroll myself to any committee. But what about my research? My publishing? My conferences? Consultation? Fuck la. Benci betul saya. As I mentioned before, we are very fuck here, to be assigned with some irrelevant bodoh punya kerja, just like being forced to leave or simply to forgot our core tasks as academician!, doing research! When the judgment day was coming, they will simply ask “apa juga kerja ko buat? Where your research? Paper? Sudah ada grant??” Apa saya kena jawap soalan mengalahkan soalan kubur.

People out there always seeing me hu ha hu ha hu ha hu ha, ketawa sana sini, feeling very happy and enjoy with my works, with my teaching, with my students, to be sincere konon to help some people sana. Sometimes they taught yang I ni mungkin tidak sepandai or not really intelligent enough like their SHIT brain, not really serious in my work field, but I betul2 tak sangka, bad people are everywhere. Tidak apa, today is your day and your day to underestimate and labeling me bodoh.

In front me Ya rabbi belakonnnn mengalahkan fauziah nawi belakon. You know, In front me, they will appear themselves in a very depressed, tension, pressure suck punya mood, they complaining lots of thing that they cannot cope up. When I’am asking something to them, they will say, oh noo..tiada…saya tiada buat, tidak sempat bah, saya takut ni…alalalala mati la..mataila..langsung saya tedaaaa buat ohhhh…

I think Allah wants to help me by showing the truth..because at last I know juga that certain people is very la penipu, a big liar, and also a good actor. They told me that they are doing nothing tapi sebenarnya…they just dont want to see me keep up on updating my prestasi over them! What a good attitude. I know it is all about politics, tidak apalah…Allah is very fair you know.

And now, I’am very feeling down, thinking it is better to kick me out from working here since my prestasi was very bad according to their evaluation. Tidak apalah, kalau rasa2 mau buang saya kerja pun saya tidak kisah bah because I sedarlah diri ini siapa kann….